My Leadership skills

Dear University of Wisconsin-Madison Admissions-

I have received your HUGE envelope in the mail thinking it was an acceptance letter to only find out (after gathering my whole family in the kitchen and opening a bottle of wine) that it was a letter informing me that I would have to write yet another essay to further prove myself to your institution.  After crumpling up the letter, burning it in the fire, and dramatically running up to my room and crying on my bed, I decided to swallow my pride and write you your damn essay on how I show leadership in the classroom and in the  community.  Unlike many of your applicants (who you accepted with their FIRST essay) I have been showing leadership skills since a very young age. 
    1. Leadership: Ability to organize- Second grade would probably be the first year that I started to really blossom into a fine leader.  After finding out my 2nd grade crush (who was burdened with being named after oral sex), had a crush on a different girl because of her shiny hair, I took it upon myself to organize a gang to beat the hell out of him.  Most kids my age would have shown affection by poking or calling names- I frickin beat the shit out of the kid- and I left the scene without a single scratch- not one!  That's because I had those second graders eating out of the palm of my hand- leadership baby!  At recess, on my command, my gang of fat rejected 2nd graders were punching and kicking poor little BJ.    
    2. Leadership: Ability to gain followers- Sixth grade is when I really started to gain followers.  Every Monday in our homebase class, our teacher would sit us in a circle and ask us how our weekends went.  This particular Monday I decided that listening to the lame weekend activities of sixth graders was just too pathetic.  When my teacher told us to sit in a circle, I stood up and began chanting "WE DON'T WANT TO! WE DON'T WANT TO! WE DON'T WANT TO!"  Soon the entire class was joining in- my teacher retreated to her desk and cried...I was later screamed at in front of the entire class- she said that "I was the instigator, I was the cause of the revolt in the classroom" What I think she was trying to say was "you are an excellent leader"
    3.  Traits of a Leader: A person who never backs down and stands up against injustice- Junior year in High school is when I learned a valuable trait as a leader- to stand my ground.  As a strong leader, I'm able to sniff out the weak ones and my math teacher just happened to be one.  During his class, I interrupted him, I told jokes- my mom would have explained this behavior as me being really intelligent and just bored in the classroom...that wasn't the case at all- I was just a little shit...The day that I really showed my ability to stand up against injustice was the day that I was kicked out of classroom for turning to my irritable friend and asking her "what's up your butt?".  The next thing I know my math teacher was screaming for me to get out of his classroom- INJUST!  So, I left- but I did not give up- that would be a quiter and I'm a winner.  Instead I sat outside the door and I interrupted that teacher through the vent in the door- when I have important things for the masses to hear, I am unstoppable.  When my math teacher came out to scream at me some more, I gave him a piece of my mind- Kicking ME out of his classroom- I. Don't. Think. So. 
   4.  Traits of a Leader: A person who is able to persuade.  This brings me to Senior year.  My ultimate leadership skills were really shown this year when I was able to trick...er...PERSUADE...my art teacher that it was my birthday that Friday when it really wasn't.  I was able to PERSUADE my teacher to let me go to the bathroom multiple times the Thursday before that Friday and plaster the hallways with flyers inviting the entire school to drop by the art room the next day for a huge celebration in my honor for being born.  I was able to PERSUADE the Principal- who found the flyers and was not too happy- that it wasn't me and that our art teacher was to blame for his lack of authority in the classroom.  My persuasion worked so well that the next day kids were skipping out of classes and asking for bathroom passes to come to my fake birthday party.  My art teacher even bought me a present.  Leadership at its finest. 

So as you can see, I was born a natural leader and I hope your institution accepts me because I'm afraid if you don't, I'll end up attending the University of Minnesota and becoming a Gopher for a year and then transfer to your institution and make you regret not accepting me because of my stellar grades.  I don't want to humiliate your institution by graduating within the top 20% of my major and making you feel like assholes for not accepting me off of my first essay.  Besides, not accepting someone the first year can cause serious damage to them, espeically when they get out into the real world- I could be unemployed for months after graduating because of the hurt of rejection.  Think about that! 

Sincerely,
Kristin Wicke

- Kristin Wicke never wrote this letter.  Instead, 4 1/2 years ago, she crumpled up the HUGE envelope and dramatically ran to her room.  Sadly she became a Gopher her freshman year and later transferred to the University of Wisconsin- Madison.  She graduated in December 2010 within the top 20% of her major and is now sadly unemployed.  If only she would have been accepted with her first essay...